So I have been out the whole day wasting my time and taking a stroll
at memory lane on a highway to hell. That’s when I realized, just like most people, I HATE HIGH SCHOOL. Yes, it was fun, but turns out I never enjoyed it.
There are only two things you can do to enjoy high school: to fit in or stand out. Seemingly, I never fitted in. I never had a stable niche because I don’t know who I should surround myself with. So it left me with the choice of standing out. Yeah, I was an academic achiever but it was not enough for me to stand out. I was just an average of everything in high school, a jack of all trades. Back then, I thought it was enough for me to survive high school. Yes, I did survive, but the journey was bumpy and uncomfortable. I never enjoyed it. Just because I was a social outcast.
It took me this event in my high school today to realize what really happened in high school. I felt like I needed to throw up my guts because high school really was horrible. I never had a REAL friend back in high school. And I was really glad everything was reset after we graduated. That’s when I found some friends that were right the all along with me in the depths of hell. Clearly, I’m a bitter person and I hate most likely everything that looks or is happy. And I have high school to blame for that.
The “Fun Day” never had that fun vibe, IMO. To most people they had fun, I never did. Being back there with a new set of goals and perspective made me realize that high school will always be the place where issues don’t die down easily, things that are not important are a big deal to the general people, it felt like being jailed because there was limited freedom and only the ones who fit in or stood out are appreciated and welcome. The hallways are wide enough for you to feel so little of yourself. It made me feel less about myself.
And here I go again, going in a downward spiral turning into a black hole sucking every positive aura that surrounds me. Because I deserve happiness and no one is giving me the chance to enjoy what it really means. Life should be fair.
Well, it seems like I will be like this for the rest of my pathetic life– a bitter individual who looks like a whack job from the outside and a total mess on the inside. Clearly, no one is gonna help me pickup myself but me. And I feel so helpless I can’t even help myself. I’m more than 50 shades of fucked up. I’m the epitome of fucked up-ness. That is all mostly because of high school.
I’m just a curbside prophet with my hands on my pocket and please my rocket, come and pick me up already!