A little bit more of Innocence

Here’s another “what if” in life.. what if I did not lose my innocence at a very young age?

I was trying to recall how I broke that sense of innocence when I was years younger, but to no avail I can’t remember when or how. But anyways, that question of “what if” suddenly came between my state of oblivion. Yeah, what if?

I think I would have been a better man than I am now. I would have been someone people will like because of his character and principles. I would have been someone I would call “ignorant”. I would have been an opposite of who I am now.

My life is nothing compared to Jason Mraz, but somehow I could connect to his song, Love for a Child. My parents are together, not divorced. During my childhood, they cared (too much) about my studies. I’ve had pretty good Christmases and birthdays. But we both are needing that cup of innocence filled up because we were both ignored, but in very different ways.

I know I’m not ignored per se, but I know deep within me that I am ignored, avoided, and scarred. And that innocence is that magical drug that will make everything okay. And that being someone who I am  not is basically what I need to make me feel fine. And that being an innocent one will change life the way it should be. And that I will be in a better position than I am in right now.

I am working on it– that is to have a better bitter-less life than what I currently have. I am working on rebuilding those broken bits of glass I call myself. I am hopeful that someday, everything’s coming up roses for me. I am hopeful that I would get enough courage to take in that cupful of innocence to make things better.

But who am I kidding? I’m far too old to care about that now.

###

I’m the curbside prophet and what a fool I’d be to start complaining now.

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