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I promised myself never to rant about my job again and stop talking crap about it because I too am tired of all these annoyances from myself.  This one I promise (and I hope) that it won’t go as far as there.

I’ve always been uptight and compulsive with achieving since time immemorial. Well, partly because of the pressure that’s been burdened upon me. It has come to a point that you’re ready to snap and break, so you thought of just letting go on the right moment. And thought that I could just drop everything after college. That I could just let go and let life do the cruising for me because I seriously am tired of giving a shit, as if my life really depends on it. And that’s how I really thought it would be, and that it would just come easy.

Shocker, I absolutely got that wrong. I always get everything wrong. Yes, not giving a damn and really not caring felt so good. No worries, no pressure, just living in the moment. But it’s just all too good to be true; it took me the words of a wise woman I know, to realize that there are no breaks in life, you are always in the fast lane. And you have to do your bestest of your best to maintain what you’ve already sustained, otherwise you need to push even harder.

It also actually made me realize how much less of a person I am to myself. I may really come off as the egoistic, mean-spirited, self-loathing thwat, but deep deep down I know I’m just a though nut with nothing in side. I’m a horrible person, I know that.  I pretty much fail miserably at anything I do. I might as well rename myself to “The World’s Greatest Failure”.

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I’m the curbside prophet, aka The Failure.

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2 thoughts on “Enter title here

  1. haha hoorah! let’s drink to this! i feel the massive need to achieve all the time but unlike you who actually do succeed i always fall flat. and i constantly feel tired and i feel like not trying at all, and i hate substandard work.

    people think my course is fun, sure it’s very fun but i suppose they overlook certain aspects and for all intents and purposes my course can be just as difficult as any math or science based course. theory can be learned, creativity can’t. and all creative en devours aside there’s so much research to this course and people think we are frivolous. if fashion is frivolous then i believe doing an arts based or a history course or something thought to be more “intellectually inclined” can be just as. i suppose no one can control what the media projects and in turn what the public perceives but fashion is like a visual history textbook, and maybe the excessive over consumption of today is a reflection of our generation, and maybe frivolous is the prevailing zeitgeist.

    the irony is i spend so much time defending this industry and i may not even have a place in it and end up destitute, not just financially but emotionally as well. okay, what i really wanted to say, which is two paragraphs over due, is that i too feel empty. and despite us being in totally different situations do not have dissimilar states of mind.

    P.S. also posted this on my birthday, such a coincidence.

    • lixiiii, i won’t argue with you because i absolutely get what you are trying to say. and to be really honest, i don’t really know what i am doing, i’m not even sure i’m liking where i am now, but i guess it’s palpable that i’m leaning on the loathing-side. maybe that’s also due to the fact that i have nowhere to go if i ever decide to drop everything i have now, which makes me furious and a black-hole to everyone around me.

      and cheers to being (dysfunctional) trying hard to be adults venturing the world of real adults. belated b-day!

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