2013 is the year of the cliche: a roller coaster ride. I’ve reached my peak of both highest of highs and lowest of lows just this year. Looking back to the year that was, I now have been a slightly different person than who I was when the year begun. I was that dark gloomy cloud of storm that made of 100% BS just lurking around the corning prowling for others who are as miserable or worse than me. Now, I’m still a dark cloud (more gray) that still hangs in the corner but more hopeful that there would be sunny days and bright days ahead, and trying his best to pretend he’s not a dark orb of energy sucking away the remaining good in this earth.
I miss all the crazy shit that I was in college. In my perspective, I was never the perfect student, also I was not the typical party the weekend (and some weeknights) away kind of student. But those were the times when I had the most freedom, and also the times when I’m most outgoing. I miss the plethora of badassery that I could pull off in those times, I just don’t attempt to get a hold back of that version of myself. What ever happened to that Clark, he’s long gone by now.
Now that I’m in this long process of updating and bug fixing (work talk) myself to be somehow a better person, I thought cutting some great people off (they probably know who they are, or don’t) would be a good idea, but I was too focused on changing the environment to change me (as of rules by science) when in fact, the best way to go was change me to change my environment and me. Now I feel horrible doing what I did, I don’t even know where to start undoing my mess.
I’m probably the same Clark now everyone else knew since they got to know me but I’m trying real hard to be who I really wanna be. And that is a person who is willing to forgive (most especially myself), and stop being so hateful (with myself) and be the person the older version of me would be proud of.
I’m the curbside prophet and my rocket’s arrival is nearing.