I broke up with her…

Good riddance. 

It was August of last year when I officially met her. I was ecstatic, overjoyed and excited. We had a couple of dates here and there, calls and emails just to make sure we were on the right track. Truly, we were on the right track because we went steady.I was never good with relationships, and that was an impending sign that it was gonna end sooner rather than later.

February of this year I thought I wanted to be serious with this relationship. Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. And yes, I got what I thought I wanted. Shit just got serious, she got demanding as fck. She wanted me to stay up late for a lot of nights, even pull off an all-nighter. We frequently consulted our couples counselor because it works like that. Times got rough and I honestly was ready to give up. I almost gave up. I lost my life, she got a good grip at my life, even challenging the borders of my sanity. She was a cancer in my life. I hated her, I dunno if the feeling was mutual but I couldn’t take it anymore.  I know I had my faults, but damn girl, you are too demanding. You wanted me to be early but I had other stuff to attend to. Just because I was not able to meet your schedule, doesn’t mean you have to delay me too. I had to finish it, end it, get it done and over. And yet you still did. And today I did. We broke up.

Finally, I got out of this loveless relationship. Alive!

A lot of people call her “thesis”, but in my case, I call her “SP” (short for Special Problem). That is a Computer Science student’s equivalent to a thesis. I am happy I’m done with you. No more sleepless nights, no more worrying while I’m commuting. No more bullshit. I won’t miss you, but just so you know I’m proud of you, of us. But the relationship was too painful to reminisce. Now you’ll just be somebody that I used to know.

Now all I have to do is wait.

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I’m just a curbside prophet, and I’m single again. HAHAHA

Braaaaaaiiinnss!

The past days– or whatever, I lost track of time — happened like a blur. Things have changed since I last posted in here. It was as if my life went into a major overhaul without me noticing it, until now. I look dead and lifeless, my brain is stressed out, and I have lost all sense of control. And that’s because I live in a cycle now just like a zombie.

  1. Wake up at 7am.
  2. Do my SP 7 hrs straight. (My college thesis)
  3. Quick shower.
  4. School. (To present updates to my beloved please read though the sarcasm, help me! thesis adviser)
  5. Relax a bit. Chill, dinner, whatever.
  6. Get back home.
  7. Slack a bit, watch a tv episode maybe.
  8. Attempt to be productive, like do my sp.
  9. Actually do my SP 5hrs straight.
  10. Sleep for 2-3 hours.
  11. Repeat cycle.

I have always believed in zombie apocalypses, and I was always hoping I would be one of the survivors but here I am becoming one of the first people who has become a zombie. Help, I am turning into one. But why am I allowing myself to be one? Oh right, graduation. Which actually terrifies me contrary to popular belief. And that’s another issue.

So just let me just succumb to living life in a cycle– predictable, dull and boring actually, help me and get me out of here. Or maybe this is just the life that’s really ahead of me.

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I am the curbside prophet. I am a programmer and I have no life.

And This Legacy Award Goes To..

I have this Rizal class later this afternoon, and up to now I still have no homework to present. That is– to present in class your legacy in a creative way. Creative I can do, but do I really have my own legacy? This is something that has been bugging me for the past days with no resolution at all. If I don’t have a legacy at least I have this essay to present in class later on. Or let’s just see if I pick up something along the way.

As I have expressed from previous posts, I never excelled greatly at something. I’m your typical jack of all trades, not bad but not good as well. It actually sucks thinking you have nothing special about you, or at least that is what I think of myself. Let me just run down to the things that are on top of my list now.

Yes, I watch a handful, err a gazillion of TV shows, but what legacy does that give me? “The Legacy of Couch Potato”. I would have been proud of that, but that’s something my professor would not accept I assume. I mean, what makes watching a loooot of tv shows a legacy. Right?

Or maybe “The Legacy of Apathy.” If you have been around me for some time, you would know that my rule number one in life is: DO NOT CARE. Because when you do, things complicate and I am awkward in complex situations. At least when you don’t, nothing’s harmed and nothing’s lost. And again, is that a legacy my professor would accept? I doubt as well.

Oh of course, I go with the flow. And I somehow, in a way, sort of, roll with the punches. When life gives me lemons, I make lemonades. And when life gives me lemonades, I will make lemons. And then life will be like– whaaaat? Hmyeah, I got that from Phil Dunphy’s Phil’s-o-sophy. But the point is, I could get “The Legacy of Spontaneity”. Another proof I could get that legacy is I am writing this article with thoughts flowing right from the top of my head uncensored.

Oh yes, “Legacy of Bitterness”. If the basis for winning this award is the number of things someone hates in this world, then I would be the winner. Most people who know me can attest to that. It’s just that almost everything annoys me, yet here I am annoying you. But really, a legacy? Would my professor even take that? Right.

Or maybe, just maybe, because I’m just average at everything, someone else always beats me at a certain category, I should get “Legacy of Jack of All Trades”. But heck, there are people even better than me on this one. The above average jack of all trades.

I am exhausted. Thinking of what other legacies I could call mine and something I could pass unto my successors. But hey, I’m supposed to be selfish, I don’t wanna pass something that’s mine. And I am just saying that because I know nothing is mine. This has always been the case, always the nominee and never the winner. I am so used to it.

So, to answer my question.. no, I don’t have a legacy. That’s something. At least I know I have something that’s missing that eventually I’ll have to ask myself again in five years time. And professor, I am sorry I don’t have my homework. My dog ate it. Heck, I don’t even have a dog. But really, I’m just a screw up.

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I’m just the curbside prophet, and that’s all I got.