The Fine Line Between Sanity and Insanity

You don’t have to read this. Back off.

I genuinely cannot distinguish something that’s absurdly insane from something that’s just sane. The past months, I have been moon-walking back and forth these two territories and most of the time I’m somewhere in between. I’m not so sure if that is a good thing or not.

Who is to judge what is sane and what’s not? I believe, or at least I did at some points, that what we believe as the crazy man is the sane one; he doesn’t care about the world, he’s got no problems, he thinks he’s fine. Of course they do live in a microscope, but do they even give a damn about it? That’s how I wish I was sane enough to realize this early on.

People are too consumed by the world and its wonders creating rules and standards for everything there is. I do admit rules keeps us away from chaos, but it does make us predictable and stale. The magic is gone, we are robots. And that is insane.

Most people would hear me say that I’m currently tiptoe-ing on that fine line between sanity and insanity. What’s keeping me from crossing over? What’s there to be afraid of? I wish to be crazy but. I could not go on because of the infinite buts there is. Again, what’s keeping me from doing what I really want.

And I call myself a renegade? Pssh. What a coward.

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I’m the curbside prophet and I’m crazy demmit.

p.s. I’m just doing this random, senseless, i dunno post just to divert myself with some other pressing issue.

Desperate Measures

Uh.

Hey universe! I just don’t know where to call out to, and I really am desperate to do this. I have never been this uncertain and doubtful in my life. In a few days my future will begin. I’m talking about my (hopeful) graduation. I’m just not sure yet, but I know I want to, somehow. Or the thought of extension just doesn’t make sense when you have a handful of people pressuring you to graduate with flying colors.

Anyway, I’m seeking help from the universe, to at least conspire and let things fall into place. That my thesis adviser won’t do the things I’m not ready to face. That he may be cooperative in my endeavors of graduating this month.

I know I’m not asking too much, I know I can do this, if my adviser cooperates. I’m very much eager to do my part, even if it goes to the extent of amputating my limbs, I would still do it. I am dedicated to finish this.
Just please, universe, make it happen.

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I’m the curbside prophet and I’m waiting for a miracle to happen

When Cliche Applies to Education

Today, The Curbside Prophet will be having another first! Because this one is mandatory and graded.

Well, yeah this entry is something a Sir JJ would want from his students. Because like me, he doesn’t like mainstream. Instead of submitting a boring essay he opted for more personal and opinionated blog post. I would not want to post the guide questions here as they would just box my thoughts in one corner. But I gotta do what I gotta do — to think outside the box. But for the curious ones, here it is. Well yeah, it from a Dropbox site, because to Sir JJ, a Facebook group is too mainstream as well. Just scroll to the bottom of the page.

Just recently, Sir JJ unleashed yet another of his antiques paring us off randomly. Well, the random part was greatly influenced by me. But his point of paring as off is to test the effectiveness of a new programming paradigm — PAIR PROGRAMMING.

To start off, pair programming is a style in programming wherein two programmers work side-by-side at one computer. One of which is the driver, that someone types at the computer or write down a design. The other is the navigator, someone who observes the driver looking for tactical and strategic defects in the driver’s current work.

Apparently, two heads are better than one. And this is the cliche I was hinting at the title of this post. But what exactly makes pair programming better compared to the traditional solo programming? Well, Larry Constantine, author of more than 150 technical articles and 16 books, commented that  the code benefited thinking of two bright minds and the steady dialog between two trusted programmers. He concluded that two programmers in tandem was not redundancy, but rather it was a direct route to greater efficiency and better quality. Also, the presence of a pair makes the other get a little nudge at doing better to cope with each other’s level of understanding. Additionally, particularly in the field of education, the students tend to worry about jeopardizing their partner’s grade making them strive a little harder.

Pair programming is not just unicorns and rainbows because it has its downside as well. Generally speaking, it is conflict in knowledge and attitude. Good pairing chemistry is important because the eventual success of the project relies on how the pair performs. Aside from that, bias/habit can also challenge the effectiveness of pair programming, where the programmer has been conditioned to work alone and not willing to cooperate with others. Economics is a matter to consider since allowing two programmers to work on the same thing is rather costly.  Coordination of schedules between pairs makes pair programming a tad bit of a challenge. And lastly, distance, where pairs cannot make it possible to be physically co-located.

In my case, I was set-up to work alone. And statistics say, I belong to approximately 5% of students who ALWAYS desire to work alone. However, I was rather surprised to have enjoyed pair programming and the output was of better quality relative to if I was to work alone. At first, it was a little awkward with my pair, although we are good friends, because I have never had peer programming with her, and I don’t know her standards, and we have quite different approaches in programming. But clearly, the cliche is true. No need to argue.

Pair programming is something that I would recommend to fellow programmers. Even if it pushes you out of your comfort zones of working alone (I’m actually talking to the rest of the 5% who prefers working alone), you get more than what you expect. I don’t see pair programming as being redundant with two people working in the same thing with the same output, but rather two people working together complementing each other’s skills and producing a more quality output.

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I’m just a curbside prophet, with my hands on my keyboard trying to activate my rocket to come.

Hi.

Ross Geller from Friends says the word “HI” in a sigh in front of his friends when he’s had a pretty much long and crappy day. I am most likely doing the same thing now. I don’t know where to begin untangling this chaotic— stuff. I pretty much don’t know what to say even. I also don’t want to talk about my day because it was flat out boring and a total drag.

Sigh. There’s also that Minesweeper Kata I’ll have to prepare for and solve using Test-Driven Development (TDD). And I also have to do some documents for our House Alarm blah group work, and yeah my thesis. Pretty much I will be busy but I don’t feel like it. To top it all off, Team Adam from The Voice was decimated in just one episode. Bye Amanda and Melanie. More so, Abi did not go home just yet in this week’s Survivor. Whyyyyy?

Well this should be leading me somewhere. But right now, I’m just trying to pour all those random frustrations that are at the top of my head right now. Yeah seriously, I need my friends. But I’ll somehow need to endure another drag school day tomorrow before we really get to enjoy and destroy Friday.

Then I went blank—-

Lost all my thoughts. BOOM.

I’m the curbside prophet, with my hands in my pocket, and no my rocket has not come yet.

(ps I’ll try playing around with those words and have it as my signature at the end of my posts)

Goodbye.

How does a person cope with death? Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

I don’t know if those stages apply to me, but I am still in shock. I don’t know how to react, I don’t know how to behave. People around me have shed their share of tears. I haven’t. To think, we are really close cousins. We grew up together, played when we were younger, got drunk when we were older. I thought we could have grown older as adults and still close to each other.

Let this be my virtual shedding of tears. WE WILL MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH, Ate Cath. So much. You could’ve waited for us to visit you. But I know you kept it strong. You were strong enough to still goof around Facebook in your last days with us. What saddens me most is that I did not check up on you and you’re just two houses away from me.

September 1. Street Party. That is the last memory I have of you. We partied and danced and drink until you were too drunk to have another round. You went home ahead. I never knew that my “Bye Te Cat” would really be my last goodbye. I promise, in your behalf that we, your cousins will hang around this sem break and go hit the beaches, for you. That’s a promise.

You’re still sooooo young and you had a great life ahead of you. But wherever you are, I hope you are in a peaceful and happy place. Right now, I’m browsing through your Facebook timeline, still in shock that we will never see you in your smile and giggle that keeps your “agaws” together. I’m having goosebumps every time I attempt to start this tarpaulin I’m dedicating for you.

I’ll miss the annual barrio fiesta disco that we do, I’ll miss the Balut nights that we have, I’ll miss the laags and the chillouts and the inom sessions that we occasionally have.

GOODBYE.

Just throwing it out there.

In a few hours from now, this post could be my one-way ticket to jail.  And will NEVER back down. I will be a criminal. I am a renegade. In lieu of this crazy shit happening in my country, I will be scheduling this post to be published later at midnight. Yeah, that’s badass already.

I am so infuriated right now, I cannot displace all this anger I have, I can’t even organize my thoughts well. Ugh, to start off I know that torrent-downloading is a covered in this CyberCrime Law thing, which sets me off like wildfire. I mean, come on. That would make me a big bad crime lord.

I have my rights, and I’m keeping them. I’m not taking down my profile picture and change it to black. What’s mine is mine. There’s no turning back. I will fight back. I live by my rules. Screw the lawmakers. Oh wait, I have something special for you guys…

“KISS MY ASS!”

Eyes on the Price

The past days, my emotions are in a great turmoil. It does not show, but every time I get to be alone and silent, during public transpo, in the shower, before sleeping, it kicks right back in. I could say it was somewhat of a reality check for me. And I have been weighing on my ultimate dreams. And I guess I just found my sense of practicality.

It haunts me to the guts that my priorities have changed (?)

I been thinking, can I really get New York? People who I thought would be supportive of my dreams are the ones who have been  “very helpful” in building up my hype. And my sense of practicality is somewhat not on my side. But screw it, this dream is what fuels me to live, to wake up everyday and face the bitch we have all been accustomed to– LIFE, and to do good in my final year in college.

At the end of this day, my preconscious has reminded me to keep my eyes on the prize. And it was just this morning, when I was half-awake and half-asleep when I changed my desktop background from a Superman wallpaper to a New York skyline wallpaper. This would keep me reminded what am I living for. I use the computer all the time, the wallpaper will remind me all the time.

Everytime I look at the picture, I get swallowed into oblivion, Let’s face it, this big city would really intimidate you. It would take everything that you have to survive this city. That is my challenge! Prove everyone I am capable. Prove everyone New York is where I’ll find that place called HOME.