It’s me, and I’m not that fly in the wall anymore (at least), but still I believe this is not what I’m destined to be and this is also not the kind of job I wanna have in the long run. I somehow found my niche; I’m quite comfortable and now I’ve gotten used to working everyday around these people in this mundane room, and on this very computer. Yeah, still the wrong wall. Continue reading
No. This is not about Mraz’s song from the LOVE album, but I am quite certain this post will raise some eyebrows. And also, I’m ready to be labeled as the arrogant one.
The world out there is depressing. It’s NOT one of those cases when you feel sad, then you stop being sad and then be awesome instead. The REAL depressants out there are the people who are outright dumb. I feel bad for them for they know less. They don’t know how to act in certain social situations. They don’t know what the right words to say. All they have are their survival instinct.
I’m supposed to narrate the events that lead me to this conclusion, but I’m too depressed to do so. But to blurt some facts out: crappy China store selling less than mediocre quality products, screech-ie voiced savage sales ladies. Ugh. Half of what I’m writing here is taking trash about that specific store, and this experience is enough for me to conclude that there are other people who have lives more miserable than mine. The worst part is, they don’t event know their lives suck.
People who really know me would say I’m being my irrational me again– WHO CARES? At the end of the day, I follow my rule #1: You don’t care when you’re not involved. To top my apathy off, let me be a hypocrite.
You know sometimes, knowing less means happiness. If you know less, you don’t necessarily know that what you lack is a problem. Therefore, you’re not miserable.
Conclusion is, if you know better, don’t be depressed because you are just populating the world with miserable people. And that is not one thing the world needs now.
The past days, my emotions are in a great turmoil. It does not show, but every time I get to be alone and silent, during public transpo, in the shower, before sleeping, it kicks right back in. I could say it was somewhat of a reality check for me. And I have been weighing on my ultimate dreams. And I guess I just found my sense of practicality.
It haunts me to the guts that my priorities have changed (?)
I been thinking, can I really get New York? People who I thought would be supportive of my dreams are the ones who have been “very helpful” in building up my hype. And my sense of practicality is somewhat not on my side. But screw it, this dream is what fuels me to live, to wake up everyday and face the bitch we have all been accustomed to– LIFE, and to do good in my final year in college.
At the end of this day, my preconscious has reminded me to keep my eyes on the prize. And it was just this morning, when I was half-awake and half-asleep when I changed my desktop background from a Superman wallpaper to a New York skyline wallpaper. This would keep me reminded what am I living for. I use the computer all the time, the wallpaper will remind me all the time.
Everytime I look at the picture, I get swallowed into oblivion, Let’s face it, this big city would really intimidate you. It would take everything that you have to survive this city. That is my challenge! Prove everyone I am capable. Prove everyone New York is where I’ll find that place called HOME.